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I think you are wrong about something my friend got married and she took control over her husband finances I think it was the best decision they could do she is amazing when it comes to budgeting she organized and set him on an allowance whenever he needs something he knows he has access to it but if it was up to him to make all the decisions I don’t think they could afford the home they live in or have the luxuries they do just saying some people are better when someone is administering your money
I don’t like roommates had one it was awful never rather live alone
How about your partner demanding you pay for the wedding because it's an "American tradition" that the money comes from the bride's family? My family can't afford it, so he demands I pay, even though I make 1/4 of his salary, while working more hours 🙁
Always good advice. Thank you!
6 is the one I have to deal with the most often. Meh.
On a more jovial note I really like your earrings. 😀
Another red flag: Your partner doesn't tell you how much they earn.
The last person I dated began being late on rent. Not only that, made charges on my credit card without my knowledge. We broke up and he left me 4K in debt. I couldn’t take any legal action because he wasn’t a US citizen. Missing rent multiple times is the first major flag and a breach in trust
I just realized that all of these points assume that you want to have a healthy relationship. What about the person who lends money in order to control others? The person who complains about supporting adult children, but uses those apron strings to manipulate their grown kids. I suspect children in these families struggle to have healthy money attitudes and habits. Codependency requires two unhealthy people. Therapy may be required to break that cycle.
I once found my self doing #2 to my friends, they called me on it. Thank goodness, thought I was being thrifty but was so wrong. Made me much more aware of how my actions affected the people I was with. Excellent video.
Me having access to money is a red flag. It means I haven’t paid something yet.
It's very important to be on the same page with your partner with finances. It will create a lot of arguments if you are not.
Yall need to get on this riverwalk date plan, it's free, it's fresh air, and if they dont like nature they aint worth keepin anyways.
My rules in lending money / money pool 1. Only lend the amount I won’t mind to lose. Don’t fall for guilt trap, pity, willingness to help, desire to impress or be peaceful with people. Emotion doesn’t pay the bill and donate to legitimate charity is better than give free money to irresponsible people.2. Have written agreement , including with family. It’s better to make it clear and a bit uncomfortable at the front rather than have bad relationships and very uncomfortable at the back. 3. There is no 2nd chances. And make sure people know it , so they will think twice before screw you up.
I am single but I learn enough to know financial is something I must talk about before dip into serious commitment and there is no “we’ll figure it out later” or “they will change in future “ . Financial habit is something that can’t be forced without self eagerness and Unfortunately love alone isn’t enough to survive
What about when your partner refuses to talk about finances, refuses to learn, and makes only impulsive money decisions? I basically control the money in our household because I feel like I wasn’t given a choice. I don’t keep secrets and I want my partner to be involved but he isn’t. As soon as possible I want us to have separate financial accounts and split spending so he can learn but right now we don’t have the means for the risks he has put us in – the risks I have enabled.
This video made me worry I am being abusive… and missed all the red flags in my situation.
I’m actually not here to learn how to make better financial decisions, far too late for that, I watch just to reminisce about all my bad choices and missed opportunities. I’m rather masochistic that way. But you make me feel like it wasn’t all my fault, which is nice and keeps me watching.
I love the blue.
Learn to be happy with just yourself and then you won't fall for all these red flags in other people. I think the reason a lot of people bow down to abusive partners is because they don't want to be alone. I have certainly rushed into relationships, and into stupid financial situations because I thought that it was better to be in a relationship and to have somebody close than to be financially smart and independent. Ultimately I was left with no relationship and no money and a book of life lessons I could write.
I've loaned money to friends in the past and the friends showed their asses when they paid it back. I'm no longer "friends" with these people which was a positive outcome, in the long term.
I have a rule, I will either give you my time or money but not both. I don't mind making small, occasional "loans" but I don't loan out anything that amounts to "bill money." I don't ask to borrow money, I just do without.
Sitting my father in law down and making him watch this! This is unfortunately him and his financially abusive wife.(He’s safe, he’s living with us atm)
If it’s possible, maybe try lifting the exposure in the dining room. The darkness makes the frame seem unbalanced, which seems offbrand for tfd.
💞🙏🏼💵💰💞👍🏼💸 Yesss, individual emergency funds❣️❣️❣️ ALL of ur advice is 💯 wish I got most of it before my divorce & when I was in my 20’s 🙏🏼
Okay, my love. So the new set-up – maybe I am just being picky, but the blue lamp that is above your head the entire time is just really distracting for me 😬I’m sorry!
They resurface their pool
I have honestly never understood the “split the bill” situation. I used to work in a restaurant and when you wanted to be cashed out you paid for what you ordered and that was that. It’s very unfair and quite rude to ask someone who had a salad and water to pay for your caviar and wine type meal.
TFD's got me considering asking all my first dates how they feel about pre-nups and considering it a red flag if they're put off by them 😂
I have been with my boyfriend for just under 2 years now, and we moved in together about 5 months into the relationship. We both are living outside of our respective home countries, and have dealt with a lot of financial obstacles involving visas, job searches, and rent since we have lived together.
It has been so stressful sometimes as financial problems always are, but this channel and Chelsea's advice over the years have made me feel empowered to always be honest about my worries with my partner, and that has allowed us to openly and honestly discuss our situations at any given time and to create fair and balanced budget plans together. Of course, I'm very lucky to have such a supportive partner, but I feel like our relationship would be in a very different place if this channel didn't give me the confidence and know-how to discuss and solve financial issues. Thanks Chelsea! 🙂
I have colleagues who make 2 times my salary and constantly want to go out for lunch and drinks… It's super annoying and whenever I decline, they always look at me funny… It's a stress nobody needs or wants. So, what I do now is take my lunch and eat somewhere else hahaha😂
I had a friend that used to regularly beg for £100 loans until payday. Payday comes around and I say "have you got that 100 quid mate?", only to hear "what 100 quid?". So frustrating. We're not friends anymore.
I have a friend, that asked me for money a couple of times, not much, always paid back, but then she started to ask me more often. I felt, I was her bank account, and that she assumed that I would be able to lend her. I make a lot more than her, but I cutted my monthly spendings do to various debts. And I started saying no, because lending is not on my budget right now. And for some strange reason I started feeling guilty, because I did have money to go on vacation (money that I had been saving for), but I didn't lend her the amount she had asked me. At the end I thought, I didn't want her to get used to ask me for money. Also I don't think I have to tell everybody about my financial situation, but I had to tell her that I was in debt until I paid back a loan that I got. Knowing her spending habits, I know she could easily make adjustments, because the money she was asking was not much. Luckily we're still friends, but I saw some red flags there too. Greetings from Chile!!
My husband tried to get a loan out in my name once without asking me first. The only thing that saved me was that they wouldn’t give me a large enough loan to be worth it for him. Terrible red flag that he never let on about before and I was shocked he even tried. I told him off and he’s never tried since, but fuck that was disarming
So true. The "let's split the bill" circumstance happens all the time. Feels shitty when it stops you from enjoying the conversation because you'd too busy worrying over the fact everyone else has ordered appetizers, drinks, dessert and the most expensive entree.
Those are fantastic earrings, I love them.
Welp, this just confirms that on top of my ex emotionally abusing me, definitely was financially abusing me too. And my last housemate. And my dad.
Sucks to have it confirmed by a third party, I think I kinda knew already but…
Great list! Numbers 3-7 were par for the course in my abusive marriage. I wish I'd had this video 20 years ago. Thanks for educating everyone.
Honestly, sometimes I like to spend money that I shouldn't when I'm really stressed out. I know that if I didn't keep that in check it would stop me from reaching my goals and (rightfully) upset my husband since we have a budget to stick to. My solution to that has been to try coping other ways and if I really want to shop I just go to the Dollar Tree lol. (Everything is $1 there.) If I go crazy there then I'll spend like $20 and I often find useful items I'll enjoy. If I realize later on that was a wasteful purchase for me, I can easily donate or gift it without feeling much shame about the purchase because it's just a few dollars. If someone had a problem like this often, I wouldn't suggest doing the same thing because it could easily leave someone with lots of clutter and even $1 items add up. But, I've gotten nice face masks that I see at other stores for $3-5 each, faux succulents that are worth $3-5 each, as seen on TV cookware that's $10, some yummy snacks or drinks, decent nail polish that's like $3-5 each at the drugstore. It's fun because honestly a lot of items at the Dollar Tree aren't actually even worth $1 so it's a little bit of a scavenger hunt to find things that I think could really bring value to my life or someone else's. Plus I've gotten inspired to do a few DIYs from items I found there.
I absolutely would rather date someone in a similar financial range than someone that makes a lot more than me. The financial boundary is very real and to the partner who makes so much more, it just doesn't make sense to them. My ex was making bank while I was a barely-getting-by full-time student. It doesn't feel right for me to have them pay for everything, but at the same time he wanted to go and do things far beyond what I could afford to do.
Like the hair!
Very informative, thx for sharing
I have been pretty lucky that most of my relationships have either been positive when it comes to finances or in situations where we have been been muddling through just the same. But I definatly saved myself a lot of stress by just deciding any money I load to be a gift and essentially forget about it.
I love you but Your haircut ages you 30 years. You’re so pretty but hidden behind that middle aged mom hairstyle
I was the roommate of a compulsive shopper, it was a nightmare.
The rent was barely paid on time because of their « financial struggle », but I would see them come back from a shopping spree worth hundreds of euros…
I’m glad it’s over now, in a way it cost me so much money in bank fees but now I’m super smart with money, working hard towards financial independance.
I hate and avoid lending money to anyone, even friends. When it comes to money I can be quite stingy, and always take cash to restaurants so the bill can be split, as I know that once you pay it by card your friends have already gotten their free meal
most of my financial education I got from my ex so I think I got really lucky 😅
My mother was the one in the family who handled the expences. She budgetted the bills, maintenance costs and found the money for repairs and planned costed like the car being serviced. My father had an allowance. That started as 10 shillings half a pound sterling) in 1951 and remained that for the the next 30 years when he got a whole pound!
In my relationships I did the planning and forward budget and inspite of every effort to get my wife to take an interest in the budget and planning she would "switch off" and leave me to it. Before we married she was an accountant. I never liked this situation and it particularly put too much pressure on me during periods between contracts.
Besides anything else the partner not involved in the finances may have serious difficulties in the event of death or illness to continue to manage the accounts.
Currently paying a originally 1900 dollar collection for an apt (down to 1500 woo )
Love your earrings girl. Unique. The things to look out for in a financially abusive relationship sounds awfully similar to having a Narcissist as a Partner or "Best Friend". I still can't believe I went through that.
Took the Finra test and got 5/6
My boyfriend pays for everything we do and eat together. He just does this, I can't even stop him. So why am I watching this 😅
You said all that red flags and, instead of thinking about my partner, I was thinking about my parents and they both meet all of them 🤦🏻♀
I wish I'd seen this 20 years ago and taken it to heart. I used to be a professional poker player and there was often huge social pressure to "man up" and split bills, play credit card roulette, lend money at the drop of a hat, and more. Most of it came from people who were either better off than the people they were pressuring, or enjoyed making people uncomfortable, or both. In hindsight it was very wrong. Thing is though you do get a quick feel for reading people and I tended to swerve situations where abusers were holding sway.
I dont know anyone or have never been in a situation where everyone splits the bill. We all just get separate checks and pay for what we ordered. That's it.
That's why I bring cash if I am eating out with a group. Pay my portion in cash and be done with it. Let them decided how to pay with their card credit.
Finances can be very trying for a lot of people and tends to lead to divorce. I think it’s the lack of communication between couples that leads them to just separate rather than work it out together. I took my vows seriously just as did my husband. If he’s struggling then I’m struggling too so we help each other and work together. If you are uncomfortable discussing these kinds of things then you should take a step back, figure out why and go from there.
Against my better judgement, I started working for a close friend. When he began a new relationship, his partner quickly made the work environment toxic and I had to leave the job. He felt like I abandoned him and our friendship may not recover from it. I also know first hand of feeling tied into spending money to keep up. I have been a bridesmaid a few times and cried in a car after dress shopping because of having to buy a dress a couple hundred dollars more than I could really afford.
Those earrings though 😍. I needs me a pair.
My husband of one year borrowed over 10k and does not think that it's important as his other loans.
My mom has a problem giving money away when people ask for it with interest. She paid 40k to a lady she knew for a year and she never got her money back. After 6years, she gave another 30k to her friend and it has been almost a year and they only paid 2k. She was supposed to pay after 6months. Her friend told her she'll pay back end of February but I gonna say she's going to delay again.My mom gets angry at me for telling her to get her money back and keep asking for the money.
So I paused the video and googled the FINRA test. Scored 5 out of 6 yay !
#2 Really resonated with me. When I was struggling financially going out for lunch was a splurge that I could do occasionally. Instead of looking forward to those networking experiences, I started dreading them as some of our colleagues didn't match what others were ordering, specifically ordering alcoholic drinks. Of course we would split the cost amongst ourselves. I started getting bitter about it as those who did this were older and more financially secure (at least from what I can see) and the younger workers were not ordering expensive beverages and subsidizing their indulgences. I don't agree with nickel and diming by scrutinizing the bill, but come on, dont incur an extra $7- 8 on young workers that maybe can only swing a modest lunch out.
JI had a friend who was a financial adviser and she has met with countless women over the years who had been financially abused by male partners. Sometimes, the abuse isn't even intentional but because these women knew nothing about their household finances, it's easy to be left high and dry when the man splits. My mother handled all our finances growing up and she taught me everything. I do all our bills, taxes, savings, and the kids college funds. My husband is intelligent and makes good money but he's happy to not have to worry about this stuff.
As a person who grew up in a household where a father was abusive physically, emotionally and financially, seeing everything that my mom went through – the number one thing for me in any relationship is financial independence. These are amazing tips, and thank you SO MUCH for making this video!
Such an important video and such great content, always! I need to learn more about finance in Australia, since I am moving there soon. Do you guys by any chance have resources to recommend?
Def lost/got rid of friends recently for various issues. Most of the time growth or maturity levels and values are just different. I had friends that one year, for my birthday, I planned everything, got a VIP booth with a deal through connections, booze and food tx tip all included at a fancy terrace brunch club for 60$ cad. Verrrrryyyy decent. They showed up late (some said they were coming and didn't show up.. so that didn't help for the money pool), then got there and threw a tantrum (bouncer wasn't letting guys in with fanny packs but offered to drive them back to their car to leave it in there) then complained about the price even though it was clear from the get go, even though I went to their birthday dinner, paid for booze I didn't consume because we just split everything, and showed up despite being sick. Priorities are different I guess.
OMG this video is so triggering.Like I feel like some of these situations have been my whole life. Being the only vegetarian in the group normally means everyone else's meal is 2x as much as mine all the time no matter what.
Thank you for helping me realize some of my angsity about money and spending.
You also need to know the big picture: if your partner splurges in ways that you object to, maybe he or she is much more frugal in other areas. If the overall behavior is on the frugal side, then I wouldn't harp on his $5 a coffee once in a while. That's why I like to look at one's annual budgets, to get a better financial picture over a longer period of time. Another thing is that financial irresponsibility is often a symptom of some deeper issues such as emotional stress or what not. I don't know if you channel covers this, but it sure is something to keep in mind.
It depends if these red flags are truly red flags in the *big picture*. Having a $5 coffee is okay if you only do it in certain months and not all the time. If you are extravagant certain times of year, be frugal at other times. If you are very spendy in certain types of products, be frugal with other products. You can still be within budget on the big picture without depriving yourself of certain pleasures. The key is to have an accurate big picture of your spending. If I want to gauge someone's financial responsibility, that's definitely the approach I would take.
NUMBER TWO! I agreed to meet with coworkers and I just wanted to grab a beer, maybe get an appetizer for myself, and then leave after an hour or so to do homework. They ordered one of every appetizer off the menu for everyone to share, which made it weird for me to only want to get an app for myself. So I drank my beer and very awkwardly refused to eat any of the food despite being hungry. I left with a bill for my fancy beer plus tip which was fine and within my budget. After splitting all the apps everyone's bill came to about $30 before drinks and tips. It was such an awkward situation.
Hello everyone! I'm Letícia and I'm from Brazil😊🇧🇷! I'm trying to learn english and that chanel has heped a lot! I share my experience in my chanel! I Hope you guys like my videos. Byeeeee
Can this please be trending? 👏🏼
I like this video but I disagree with what you said about the friend that may have more financial means being obligated to not make the other person uncomfortable or feel pressured to spend. I agree you should never pressure a friend to spend money they dont have, but if one friend happens to have more money and spends more while out, it shouldnt be their problem if the other friend feels bad that they cant also spend. It goes back to being able to be honest about what your budget is and having the confidence to say no thats not in my budget right now, but you go ahead.
Kind of relevant, very personal, not-so-fun story about a relationship where I experienced points 1, 3, 5 of this video: my last boyfriend told me he was on a "sabbatical" from his job, a permanent academic research position, and was taking on freelance projects when I met him. The truth was that he had taken a leave of absence from his job because he had done nothing productive within it for a while. It took him over 2 months of dating and me bonding with him before he revealed the truth and that he was basically unemployed. I stayed like an idiot while he lived out of his wealthy friend's charity (and my partial support). He "borrowed" $700+ within the 8 months that we dated (more in total, but that's the amount he never returned) while I paid for virtually every nice date we had and covered his groceries for a couple of months while he was supposedly looking for jobs. It might not sound like a lot, but I was a postdoc living in NYC so not exactly well-off. He is very smart and has a science PhD from an Ivy league school and decent connections, which basically means he had opportunities laid on his feet and snubbed them all. Meanwhile, not only did he cause me financial harm in the ways I described, but he sabotaged my professional development to the point that he caused a serious setback to my career by trying to guilt me into working less and isolating me. Needless to say that financial was only one of several types of abuse that were present within that relationship. Two weeks after we broke up, he was diagnosed with stage III cancer and refused to receive treatment other than immunotherapy, which didn't get him into remission. From what I know, he has moved on to date someone new, to whom he has lied once again about his reasons of unemployment, as well as his cancer status. I sure have learned my lesson about human leeches, but I'm still paying the price and will do so for a while.
Liz Lemon needs this channel
I love all the content you guys are putting out, Chelsea! I just wish you put a thin paper towel or tissue paper on top of your light so it isn't so harsh when it hits your face ✌🏻
I had a friend that got mad when I told her I couldn’t go to both of her two bday dinners (eating out). My dad was borrowing money for me, but she when behind my back and told our friends how I was “maybe spending it on lush”. My friend reee her I wasn’t. We aren’t friends with her anymore. She’s too high maintenance. She probably doesn’t understand cause she’s still financially dependent on her parents. Someday she will learn I hope. … like wise my dad took a year to pay me back while his fiancé didn’t work for 10 months. She and her daughter continually made comments that walked the line of “how dare I have some financial support from my dad” because they want all his money. And he let his fiancé manage his money. Stupid! I had to move to my moms cause I can’t stand how toxic they where. It’s sad I rather pay my step dad rent then free rent at my dads.
Like I was once told-
NEVER EVER LEND SOMEONE SOMETHING YOU CANT ACCEPT NOT GETTING BACK.
chelsea youre doing an amazing job! love this channel
In this week's episode of the Financial Diet Chelsea share some money behaviors that are red flags in relationships. Need more content like this ? Check out this video here : https://youtu.be/DcBlopwsCpU
I've watched this video 3 times!!! This couldn't have come at a better time. I was recently informed by my partner that he feels "used" because he usually pays when we go out to eat. Never once said I'm trying to save money or anything like that…we've been together almost 6 years and it's really strange to me that you would fail to mention something like this months or years ago. I am trying to find a balance so that this is a non-issue, but he literally makes 2.5x the amount I do. I am very transparent with money and what I spend each month. Is it weird to keep literally everything separate? I've been in relationships where I've made the more money and paid for more. I need a financial adviser/therapist combo. LOL
Love this episode. 👏👏👏
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the color palette of this video! the earrings, the sweater, the furniture… chelsea came to serve
this is why I can't have roommates anymore. So glad I am in a place financially I can live alone. Been bit one to many times by an "off the lease" roommate.
Loan is a noun. Lend is a verb.
Great advice. Well presented as always. Best wishes from Australia
After I became more conscious of my spending habits and quality of what I buy, especially if it's fair trade, organic, who made and and where, how much were they paid, how toxic the production process is to the environment, in other words, I stopped buying fast fashion and harmful, cheap products and started buying less of good quality items. Yet now I get some friends putting my choices down. I really hate people who don't contribute to my earnings meddling, commenting and gossiping about what I buy. How do I respond to such questions?
One small addition: bands/fellow musicians (more specifically working musicians). Maybe money from a gig isn't split in a fair way; maybe people are asked to contribute to something (gear) that they don't really use or think is necessary. Of course, just like Chelsea points out in her examples, most of this stuff can be ironed out by good communication. Does make me wonder how many financial mistakes as a percentage in all aspects of life are the result of poor communication!
You read a lot of books that you deem worth reading. No explanation or excuse needed!
I used to be a vegetarian and drank no alcohol. On a group vacation with mountains of meat for the meals and dozens of bottles of hard liquor I was eating noodles and drinking tap water. Somehow it was assumed that the bill for food and drinks should be split evenly and without any discussion it was. I felt treated unfairly and was hoping that someone in the group would realize that I was paying for expensive stuff that I hadn't consumed and do sth about it. I myself was too shy, feeling weirdly ashamed, and didn't want to cause any kind of uncomfortable situation for the others. Since then I have learned that standing up for myself also encompasses money and that other people do not have the right to dictate how I spend it. If a bill is going to be split I want to know beforehand so that I decide for myself whether I want to join or opt out. I happily pay the whole bill and splurge for friends I really care for, however, I do not want to subsidize colleagues or acquaintances and their excessive consumption just because of some unwritten rule. You want to binge on cocktails and order a steak? Enjoy! Maybe I will do that or one-up you or just have a soda. I will enjoy as much or as little as I feel like or can or want to afford and I am certainly not going to let peer pressure ruin my budget.
I want to add one.. if your new boyfriend/ fiancé/ husband suddenly does not open the mail as often – huge red flag for creditcard debt!
You are a fresh breath of air in a world that encourages spending! Love your advice and personality.
Why do you feel the need to explain what books you read? You can read whatever you want! 😀
I have never been with a man who knows how to handle money. I’ve seen men spend like no tomorrow. I’ve always seen woman holding the home down with the budget. My husband has no clue and would rather give me money to take care of it.
It’s not fair for me to handle all the stress. I put him in charge of some of the bills while I take care of the bulk.
Tfw you realise your ex financially abused you as well as their other questionable actions…Thank you for putting the information out there in a straightforward and nonjudgmental way, Chelsea ❤️
I have a friend who always asks for money and makes their kids an excuse as to why they never have money 🤨🙄🙄🙄
About 71% of Americans have loaned money and have yet to be paid back. The other 29% are the borrowers.
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